It’s time to check your candle supply again

Most women feel ‘invisible’ and ‘unappreciated’ when they become mothers, new research has revealed. Instead of ‘having it all’, 72% of mums feel invisible and 93% feel unappreciated, unacknowledged or unseen once they’ve had children. Another 93% said that since having a child, their identity has been reduced to only being a mother. And the weight of expectation is huge, too, with 97% of mums questioned in the survey by the online motherhood community Peanut saying pressure is put on them to ‘do it all and be it all’. Plus, 94% believe they’re expected to put themselves last and self-sacrifice for their families, partners, jobs, and other responsibilities, so they can achieve what they feel is required of them. Nearly half of mums (46%) said they don’t feel supported by the healthcare system after giving birth, and 70% expected more support from society in general. As a result of this lack of support and invisibility, most women surveyed (95%) agreed there’s an impact on their mental health and wellbeing, with 86% having experienced anxiety, 82% feeling stressed, burned out or exhausted, and 80% feeling overwhelmed, or lonely and isolated. Other strong feelings identified by mums included irritability (78%), loss of identity (65%), feeling judged (66%), feeling unsupported (64%), guilt (63%), depression (55%), resentment (54%), worthlessness (50%), and neglect (24%). Women attributed the things making them feel invisible to unfair division of labour in the home, trying to juggle a career and childcare, lack of empathy and understanding from both family and everyone else, gaps in healthcare and mental health support, identity and independence struggles, hiding the pain of pregnancy loss, and general pressure from healthcare, education institutions and the media. Commenting on the findings, psychologist Dr Rachel Goldman said: “The invisibility of motherhood is a stark reality many face. The journey begins with frequent visits to healthcare providers, but once the child arrives, there’s a sudden gap, creating a sense of abandonment. Women grapple with overwhelming feelings of exhaustion and stress, only to confront rushed appointments where healthcare professionals don’t have time to adequately dive into concerns.” As a result of the research, Peanut has launched an Invisible Mothers campaign, featuring a State of Invisibility report, to draw attention to mums’ struggles and highlight ways to make them more visible and better supported. The report found mums think more empathy and gender equality will help them feel more visible, with 82% calling for flexible, family-friendly workplaces, 77% wanting equal and extended leave for both parents, and 71% saying an equal share of parenting tasks would help. Additional measures that will help mums, says Peanut, include more public toilets having changing facilities, additional resources for mental health support, support groups for both parents, and educational initiatives about gender stereotypes. The report also identified the most common unwanted questions that contribute to mothers’ feelings of invisibility, with alternative suggestions that women say they would prefer to hear. So instead of asking ‘How’s the baby?’, Peanut suggests mums are asked ‘How are you really – mentally, emotionally and physically?’, and rather than ‘Was the pregnancy planned?’, try ‘Are you excited?’, and change ‘How do you do it all?’ to ‘How’s the mental load?’. Goldman added: “It doesn’t take grand gestures to offer support. A genuine ‘how are you’ or ‘thinking of you’ can significantly shift perceptions, signalling to someone that they matter. Small changes or actions, like compassionate conversations, can have profound impacts. “By acknowledging and addressing these issues, we can begin to truly support motherhood.” Read More The best ways to work-out in 22 minutes – as study finds this is magic number for offsetting ‘negative impact of sitting’ What crops will we be growing in the future, as climate change alters the landscape? As Rebecca Adlington shares heart-breaking miscarriage news: How to support others experiencing baby loss What you need to know about new research into treating cervical cancer How to do Halloween make up and still take care of your skin Which houseplants best suit your star sign?

The most common form of eczema, atopic dermatitis (AD), is defined by red, itchy skin patches that surface during allergic reactions. The patches can develop anywhere on the body, and their effect is more than skin deep: In a 2017 study, more than 80% of patients with the condition said having an eczema flare-up got in the way of their sex life.

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Whether you’re a super diligent packer or prefer to wing it right before heading out for the airport, there’s no overstating the importance of packing cubes. Not only do they take the stress out of organizing your travel bags or suitcase, the compression design makes it easier to cram even more stuff inside. Since everything is neatly separated, you’re spared from rummaging through the whole suitcase when you need to locate that extra pair of socks or a tiny toiletry bottle. In other words, your future self will thank you for investing in some proper packing aids.

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When 29-year-old jewelry designer Gabriela Berlingeri logged on Zoom for our interview, it felt like I already knew her. We had never actually met, but I’ve known of Berlingeri since my high school years in Puerto Rico, when the small San Juan-based social scene mingled virtually on Facebook in its early days. Since then, the world has also gotten to know her too: Berlingeri is the founder of Diciembre Veintinueve, a Puerto Rico-based jewelry company, who carries a unique niche fame.

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On a street corner of downtown Toronto in the wee hours of the morning is where the best conversations are bound to happen. I’ve spent my whole adult life in this city walking these streets and yelling my opinions — the good, the bad, and the shut-up-your-frontal-lobe-isn’t-even-formed-yet takes. I remember fighting with a friend just steps from Scotiabank Theatre after watching The Help about how Blackness should show up onscreen (spoiler: that was not it). They argued that, sure, maybe the movie was offensive, but parts of it were true. Why shouldn’t that story be told? (Their frontal lobe wasn’t fully formed either.) Over a decade later, during this year’s Toronto International Film Festival (TIFF), I found myself on those same streets debating the very same topic, except this time, the film in question wasn’t a trope-ridden, objectionable, white savior narrative; it was a ripe satire consumed with tackling the very conversations that Black media professionals have been having for decades. In American Fiction, it’s not about whether representation matters but rather what kind matters, and to whom?