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How to support someone coming out in their 30s and beyond
Coming out can be hard at any age, but by the time you’re well into adulthood it may feel terrifying, and be completely life-changing. Many people who come out in their thirties and onwards may have wanted to for a long time but not felt safe enough to do so. As October 11 marks National Coming Out Day, it’s important to reflect on how, if and when people can share their authentic selves. “I wasn’t raised in a time when it felt safe to express attraction to women,” says author and creative mentor Fiona Fletcher Reid, who came out last year at the age of 35. “I wasn’t sure about my sexuality until I had psychosexual therapy and was able to explore all the layers of internalised homophobia and repression that I had accumulated over my 35 years,” she says. So, how you can support someone who is going through it? Don’t assume everyone is the same Not every person’s coming out looks the same, and some LGBTQ+ experiences are not universal. “Coming out is a personal experience and because it is often physically and emotionally dangerous to be openly queer, lots of people never feel able to be open,” says Fletcher Reid, now 36. “Some people might feel free to come out once they have ended a particular relationship, or after meeting people who they feel safe around. “For others, like me, it’s that we don’t consciously acknowledge our sexuality until we are a lot older and have the confidence to work through the emotional implications and real-life consequences that come with that,” The writer, from Glasgow, was going through a divorce at the time with a man she’d been with since the age of 17. “During therapy, I talked a lot about the pain I was experiencing during intercourse as well as my general anxiety around sex. It wasn’t until I’d built up a trusting relationship with my therapist that I felt able to discuss the fact that I thought I might be gay and I did not expect that to come up, so I was just as surprised as everyone else when I came out.” Don’t question their authenticity Validate what the person who has come out is saying. “Don’t say, ‘Are you sure?’ because you can rest assured that the person coming out to you has thought long and hard about this,” says Fletcher Reid. “Casting self-doubt on someone when they have opened up a vulnerable part of themselves to you is hurtful.” Don’t question them about their sex life It’s no one else’s business. “Please don’t ask about whether they have been intimate with anyone, or any other sort of suggestion that they need to ‘prove’ their sexuality to you,” she stresses. Consider what they feel and accept that it is a big deal They are probably feeling “a mix of emotions, including excited, happy, empowered and scared for their safety”, says Fletcher Reid. “Sadly coming out can still cause huge ruptures in relationships so be aware that this is a huge moment for them and comes with real consequences. “Dismissing their experience as ‘not a big deal’ because you think it’s ‘normal to be gay’ now is a dangerous and false narrative.” It may sound simple, but just listening and supporting them is vital. “Be there to listen and try to celebrate all the new things that they are exploring as they come out, whether that’s dating, meeting new people or finding ways to experiment with their identity through fashion,” says Fletcher Reid. “Repeat often that you love and care for them and that you accept this evolution of them, that you are happy to see them happy.” Suggest they find community “Encourage them to talk to other people who have been through similar experiences if you can,” she says. “As much as friends and family want to understand what they are going through, it is far more validating to talk to someone else who has come out later in life and understands the emotional intricacies of the experience. “They can also hopefully show them that there are good times ahead.” Thank them for sharing with you “It is a privilege that someone trusts you with coming out, especially later in life. Tell them that you are honoured to have been trusted with this information, and reassure them that you will keep it private until they are ready to tell other people,” Fletcher Reid suggests. “The best reactions that I had from people were seeing their joy that I had discovered this important part of myself, and that had a huge impact on my ability to feel hopeful amidst the pain caused by my divorce. “Allowing them to feel conflicted and guilty and offering reassurance that they have the right to be themselves will make them feel so much happier.” Read More Israel-Hamas conflict: How to talk to teenagers about distressing news stories Autumn décor ideas for a seasonal refresh Why you shouldn’t tidy your garden too much in autumn World Mental Health Day: 5 ways to beat anxiety and change your life Alternative veg to grow for next season How to spot if your child is struggling with their mental health – and what to do next
2023-10-11 13:49

Bolivia seeks files on pedophile priests from Pope
Bolivia's president has asked Pope Francis for files on sexual abuse committed by Catholic priests in the South American country following revelations of...
2023-05-24 04:55

Barbie Is This Generation’s Feminist Movie
Spoilers ahead. Barbie is the feminist movie you’ve been waiting for. And I don’t mean that in a girl power, ultimate girlboss kind of way — even though it is a little bit of both of those. It’s not perfect, but (as we learn) neither is Barbie the doll. But, anyone who has seen even a glimpse of marketing for the film (so, everyone) knows one thing to be true: Barbie is everything.
2023-07-25 03:52

Max Verstappen takes sprint pole in Austria with Lewis Hamilton lowly 18th
Lewis Hamilton will start today’s sprint race at the Austrian Grand Prix from a lowly 18th as Max Verstappen took pole position. Defending champion Verstappen raced to top spot for the second day in succession following his qualifying triumph for Sunday’s 71-lap Grand Prix. Sergio Perez joins team-mate Verstappen on the front row for today’s 23-lap dash round the Red Bull Ring, with McLaren’s Lando Norris an impressive third. Norris, who finished nearly six tenths back from Verstappen, lines up one place ahead of Haas’ Nico Hulkenberg. The winner of today’s race will be awarded eight points, but the result has no bearing on Sunday’s main event. Hamilton was eliminated in the opening phase after he had three laps deleted for exceeding track limits. “That was really bad time usage,” said Hamilton over the radio. “Am I out?” “Yes we are,” replied his race engineer Pete Bonnington. It is for a sprint race so it does not really matter Lewis Hamilton Hamilton had been leading the way in Q1 before he had a hat-trick of laps chalked off by race director Niels Wittich for running all four wheels of his Mercedes over the white line at the final bend. Hamilton tumbled down the order and was knocked out at the first hurdle of qualifying for only the second time in the last six years. In Friday’s qualifying session, which determined the grid for Sunday’s main event, Verstappen said Wittich made the drivers look like “amateurs” with his over-zealous refereeing. But Wittich did not hold back in the second qualifying running of the weekend, with Hamilton not the only driver penalised. Verstappen also had multiple laps scrubbed off. Following his early exit, Hamilton said: “It is for a sprint race so it does not really matter. “I wish I was still out there. But there is nothing really to say. We focus on what we can do and we could easily have been much further up. Today I will have some fun from the back.” Hamilton was soon followed out of qualifying by team-mate George Russell after he suffered a hydraulic failure. Russell’s Mercedes mechanics were forced to change his steering rack meaning that he was unable to post a lap in Q2. He starts 15th. Today’s sprint race takes place at 4:30pm local time (3:30 BST). Read More Charity boss speaks out over ‘traumatic’ encounter with royal aide Ukraine war’s heaviest fight rages in east - follow live Lewis Hamilton to start sprint race from 18th at Austrian Grand Prix Made us look like amateurs – Max Verstappen hits out over raft of deleted laps Lewis Hamilton calls for change, claiming new rule would ensure a ‘real race’
2023-07-01 19:54

Far from home, Ukrainian designers showcase fashion that was created amid air raid sirens
For Ksenia Schnaider and her fellow Ukrainian designers, the show must go on despite the war in their country — or precisely because of it
2023-09-19 19:56

NYT Connections today: See hints and answers for October 12
Connections is the latest New York Times word game that's captured the public's attention. The
2023-10-12 10:49

Fictional pop stars ranked: from 'The Idol's Jocelyn to Hannah Montana
The Idol's release has rehashed my love for fictional pop stars. Sure, Jocelyn (Lily-Rose Depp)
2023-07-06 04:50

Max Verstappen defies rain and Fernando Alonso threat to win Monaco Grand Prix
Max Verstappen survived a rain shower and the looming threat of Fernando Alonso to secure an impressive victory at a one-sided Monaco Grand Prix. Verstappen, who beat Alonso to pole position by just 0.084 seconds, kept his cool in the slippery conditions to lead Sunday’s 78-lap race, which lasted nearly two hours from start to finish, as he secured his fourth win of the season. Alonso finished 27.9 seconds behind the Red Bull driver with Esteban Ocon third for Alpine, as the Frenchman claimed only the third podium of his career. Lewis Hamilton and George Russell took advantage of the rain to cross the line in fourth and fifth respectively for Mercedes. Sergio Perez started last after he crashed out of qualifying and finished 16th following a terrible race for the Mexican driver which included five pit stops. With Perez failing to score, Verstappen extended his lead in the standings from 14 to 39 points after six rounds of 22. A dreary race suddenly burst into life on lap 51 as it started spitting at Casino Square, through Mirabeau and on the entry into the tunnel. Verstappen held a 10-second lead over Alonso but, despite the rain, Aston Martin hauled the Spaniard in for his first stop of the day and elected to send him out on the dry rubber. However, the spots of rain became heavier and Verstappen – now on 52-lap old slick tyres – had to tippy-toe his way back to the pits. “I have to drive super-slow because my tyres are f*****,” said Verstappen. The Dutchman briefly lost control of his Red Bull on the entry to the tunnel, grazing the wall, before safely making it back to the pits to bolt on the intermediate tyres. Aston Martin’s call to send Alonso out on the dry tyres afforded Verstappen some much-needed breathing space, with the Spaniard back in on the following lap for the intermediate rubber. He managed to hang on to second, but was now 22 seconds down the road. A lap earlier, Mercedes and Alpine had been the first to move from dry to wet tyres, propelling Hamilton above Carlos Sainz and Russell ahead of Charles Leclerc. Ocon remained in third. Sainz then became the first of the major players to spin – losing control of his Ferrari under braking at Mirabeau, kissing the wall, and dropping him down the order. The rain continued to fall and the chaos continued. Russell was hit with a five-second penalty after he ran off the road, and rejoined in front of Perez, causing the two men to make contact. Lance Stroll hit the barriers twice and Haas’ calamitous decision to keep Kevin Magnussen on slick tyres backfired as the Dane crunched the wall at Rascasse. Up front and with Verstappen in control, Russell put the power down to ensure his penalty would have no effect on his result, and called on his Mercedes team to allow him past team-mate Hamilton to help his cause. “I am just stuck right up Lewis’ gearbox here,” said Russell, but the Mercedes men did not trade positions. Russell took the chequered flag 10 seconds clear to keep fifth. Leclerc finished sixth, one place ahead of Pierre Gasly, with Sainz eighth and Lando Norris ninth for McLaren.
2023-05-28 23:56

Looking for a cheaper Tesla Model X or S? This might be your chance.
Tesla's Model S and Model X cars are now available at a lower price, but
2023-08-16 22:17

Caraway’s New Stainless Steel Cookware Can Handle The Heat (& My Bad Cooking Skills)
The “C” in cookware stands for cutthroat. Whether it’s the best nonstick pot, cast iron pan, or stainless steel set, I have yet to come across more ferocious opinions on a product in my two years of lifestyle shopping writing (just take a scroll through r/cooking on Reddit). Knowing this, when tasked with testing Caraway‘s first-ever stainless steel cookware set I shivered. A beautiful, durable, 4-piece, priced at $700, and non-toxic collection in my sorry excuse of a kitchen? With lids and Caraway’s signature, space-optimizing storage included? The phrase “I’m not worthy” didn’t do the situation justice.
2023-10-20 04:58

ProofHub Review
Like all project management software, ProofHub helps teams organize and track the status of projects
2023-06-29 23:53
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