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Thanksgiving is only a day away and most Americans have solidified their family plans for the holiday. Whether you’re hosting the big meal or heading to a relative’s house, the holidays are often a chance to reconnect with loved ones. However, Thanksgiving Day isn’t always a family-oriented occasion. Over the years, several studies have found that the seemingly joyous holiday season isn’t always easy for everyone. In a survey conducted by the AARP Foundation in 2017, 31 per cent of respondents said they felt lonely during the holidays throughout the last five years. Meanwhile, 41 per cent of participants were concerned about a family member or friend feeling lonely around the holidays. In 2020, a survey conducted by ValuePenguin also found that 70 per cent of respondents struggled with different types of loneliness before Thanksgiving and Christmas, partly due to the effects of the Covid-19 pandemic. While socially-distanced holiday parties have mostly become a thing of the past since then, there’s still many reasons why some people spend the season by themselves. Some Americans have family members living on the opposite side of the country, or world, while others may not have a close relationship with their relatives at all. There’s no one concrete way to spend the holidays, and everyone has their own reasons why they choose not to see certain people on Thanksgiving. Speaking to The Independent, Emma Mahony, a therapist at Better Life Therapy based in Pennsylvania, acknowledged that, when we spend the holidays alone, our feelings of loneliness can be heightened. While everyone experiences loneliness in a different way, Mahony believes that the feeling could be tied to how Thanksgiving has been portrayed over the years. “I think a lot of the anxieties and concerns that come up have to do with unmet expectations of what you think a holiday is supposed to look like, and what you think your relationship with your family or your friends is supposed to look like,” she said. “I think that’s where a lot of people themselves feel a little bit of a stressful state. Just maybe feeling a little let down by the expectations they have for themselves, after watching other people experience the holidays differently than them.” The holidays are often referred to as the most wonderful time of the year, but that doesn’t ring true for everyone. In some cases, the winter months can be quite a triggering time, and potentially a reminder to people of how they’ve been hurt by those closest to them. According to Mahony, the best way to manage those feelings of animosity is by creating your own perspective about the holidays and new ways to celebrate. “I think you should allow yourself to reframe it as: ‘Okay, how do I want the holidays to look for me? Who are the people that I do want in my life? Who are the people that I don’t want in my life?’” she advised. “Don’t try to make something that shouldn’t happen happen. Instead, recreate your own memories and your own traditions, and give yourself space and permission to do so. But also, if you know that it’s going to be a hard time for you, create that support system, from reaching out to a therapist or to a close friend.” For those who do have a close support system, it can make skipping out on Thanksgiving dinner a little easier. On the other hand, your cousins may miss sitting next to you at the dinner table. Still, Mahony believes we shouldn’t try to convince our family members to attend an event in which they’ve already opted out. “If someone decides they don’t want to be with you over the holidays, respect that choice for them,” she explained. “Don’t make them feel bad for prioritising themselves and their needs. [It] will potentially, you know, make things worse long term. I just honour that everyone needs to do what’s best for them, whether that be financially, emotionally, or physically.” Even if you decide to celebrate Thanksgiving this year without your family, it doesn’t mean that you’re entirely on your own. Mahony suggested setting up a Zoom call or FaceTime with some friends, or planning a fun meal if you’re worried about eating solo. “You could really do whatever you want, so I would set up things for yourself to look forward to,” she said. For those who are spending the holiday alone, but still want to take part in Thanksgiving-related activities, spend the morning or afternoon at a local homeless centre. You can continue the day by hosting a Friendsgiving dinner or movie night with your pals who are still in town. When it comes to food, you can cook a mini turkey for one or ditch Thanksgiving dinner altogether and order take-out at a local restaurant. Then, close out the night with some early Black Friday shopping online or in person. Although this Thursday is indeed a federal holiday, who says the day can’t feel like any other? Ultimately, how you spend Thanksgiving is entirely up to you and there’s no right or wrong way to celebrate the holidays. Remember that you shouldn’t be too hard on yourself for avoiding family during the holiday season. “If Thanksgiving looks different for you year after year, that’s okay. There’s not a specific way to spend the holidays and no family looks the same,” Mahoney said. “If you’re coming to terms with the fact that being with your family for the holidays isn’t what’s best for you, give yourself a little bit of compassion there. “It will get easier over the years, as you figure out how to take care of yourself better.” Read More Viral Thanksgiving guest mix-up continues tradition for eighth year How to watch Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade 2023 I made an air fryer Thanksgiving dinner so you don’t have to When do stores open and close on Thanksgiving and Black Friday this year? Why do Americans celebrate Thanksgiving? How to transport everything from turkey to cranberry sauce for Thanksgiving

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A woman so allergic to the scent of Christmas that even “smelling a mince pie could kill [her]” almost died after a festive trip to a garden centre sparked an asthma attack. Anne Murray, 61, an engineer who lives alone in Lanark, Scotland, was diagnosed with severe asthma as a baby and has been allergic to traditional festive staples such as citrus and cinnamon since she was a child. According to the NHS, severe asthma means the condition is uncontrolled even when sufferers are taking their medication. When they are exposed to an allergen that irritates the airways, it can trigger asthma symptoms. Murray realised the seriousness of her condition at the age of 11 when her mother, Mary, collapsed and died from an asthma attack at the age of 34. Seven years later, Murray’s childhood best friend, Julia, also died from an asthma attack. Both deaths made her “live life to the full” and she has since done a bungee jump and travelled the globe. Murray had a near-death experience herself in November 2016 when she smelt “pine cones impregnated with citrus” in a garden centre. “I had difficulty breathing,” she recalled. “I grabbed my inhaler and ran quickly out of the garden centre.” On the drive home, her condition worsened. “It felt like someone was sitting on my chest.” Once home, she used her nebuliser – a device that enables her to breathe by giving her medicine as a mist – but could not get to sleep that night as she kept coughing, and whenever she laid down, it felt like she was “choking”. Two days later, and still struggling to breathe, she visited her GP and was barely able to stand up. An ambulance was called straight away, and Murray was given oxygen and strong nebulisers, before returning home with seven days’ worth of steroids. “They all told me it was a close call so it was lucky I had my nebuliser on me.” Since that incident, Murray has finished her Christmas shopping by September to avoid being near festive smells in shopping centres, and often turns down invites to Christmas parties. “It can be quite isolating,” she says. “If friends want to go out around Christmas, I have to ask them to go to different places where I know are safe. I can’t eat or be anywhere near things that smell like Christmas, or eat anything Christmassy like mince pies and stollen cake – I don’t touch them with a 10-foot barge pole. Just smelling a mince pie could kill me. So many things have Christmassy spices that you wouldn’t normally think of, too.” Following the dual losses of her mother and best friend, Murray learnt that she would have to make day-to-day adjustments to her life in order to maintain her own safety. When travelling, she often has to call the airline in advance to request that passengers only eat or peel oranges once they get off the plane. She also has to inform all her work colleagues not to wear festive perfume in the office. “I wish shops would put up signs saying they have festive scents in store,” she adds. “It would be so helpful for me, and stop them getting complaints too.” Today, she makes sure to keep her own Christmas planning low-key. “I don’t go anywhere near supermarkets and that sort of thing – it’s not worth the risk,” she says. “It can be embarrassing a lot of the time – if I go to a restaurant and tell them about my allergies, I get turned away and we have to find somewhere else to go. Or, I get loads of staff around me and I just don’t want the attention.” This year, Murray is looking forward to spending Christmas Day alone and visiting her dad, Archie, and stepmum, Alice, in Scotland. She says: “I still like Christmas, and I’m excited to be on my own this year – I can put my feet up and watch the telly, and eat whatever I want.”

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The thing about depression is that you can’t exactly tell it that now’s not a good time. Unlike the silenced group chat messages and Hinge notifications on your phone, mental illness doesn’t just go into Do Not Disturb mode when you have a meeting on your calendar. Many people choose to keep their mental health status private and separate from their workplace, especially if they have high-functioning depression. However, if your mental wellbeing has the potential to impact your job, you may feel stuck on what to do — keep quiet, or tell a boss? You not only have your coworkers’ perception of you to consider, but legal rights, too.

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