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Whether your child’s GCSE results are high, low, or somewhere in between, one thing is inevitable – they’ll compare them with their friends’ grades. This comparison culture, which is far more pervasive because of social media, can leave teens feeling inadequate because their results are worse than their mates, or make their friends feel useless if roles are reversed. But although there’s no getting away from teenagers comparing their results both on and offline, what can parents do to try and limit the damage this it can cause? Former teacher Dr Julia Clements, principal educational psychologist at the children’s mental health charity Place2Be, says the comparison of results will undoubtedly impact some teenagers’ wellbeing. “Your teenager is bound to compare their results with their peers at the same school, but also through social media,” she acknowledges. “Although this comparison is inevitable, it may be harmful for your child’s wellbeing – especially if they’ve not done as well as expected. “Indeed, the term ‘compare and despair’ can be especially pertinent on days like today.” Sharon Davies, CEO of Young Enterprise, a charity which helps young people navigate the changing world of work, adds: “The pressure to measure up to their friends’ achievements can be overwhelming, leading to feelings of inadequacy or disappointment.” So how can parents help their teens? 1. Ask how they feel If your child is down on themselves and rating themselves negatively in comparison to their friends, they may reject any positives and praise parents provide, Clements warns. “It may be more useful, in the first instance, to ask them how they’re feeling, and to acknowledge and validate difficult feelings,” she advises. Such feelings may include disappointment, sadness, anger, shame, or feeling as if they’ve let themselves – and you – down. “If your child is feeling like this, it’s important to give them the message that you love them unconditionally and you’re proud and pleased to be their parent because of who they are – not because of the grades they achieve,” she stresses. 2. If they’ve done better than their friends… If your child has achieved good results, which may be better than some of their friends, then they’ll want to celebrate. But while celebrating is of course a great idea, Clements suggests: “You may want to talk with them about how to be sensitive and compassionate towards their friends who haven’t done so well.” 3. Help them turn a negative into a positive Consultant clinical psychologist Dr Nihara Krause specialises in teenage mental health and is working with the Talking Futures campaign to help parents engage their children in meaningful conversations about their futures. She says if a young person doesn’t get the grades they were hoping for, they may be highly critical of their performance in comparison to their peers. But she suggests parents show them how to turn their negative thinking around. “Parents should encourage their children to focus on recognising the approach they took to exams this time round and take steps to reflect on what they could do to achieve a better result in the future. Focus on what helps a young person gain their own personal best, no matter how their results compare with others.” 4. Don’t ask about their friend’s results or post about them Krause says parents should try to celebrate their child’s achievements for what they are and avoid asking about their friends’ results. “To avoid comparison, parents should also avoid sharing their child’s results on social media,” she says. 5. Don’t be too hard on yourself Clements points out that comparison culture may not just affect teenagers – if their results aren’t as good as expected, mums and dads might start comparing their own parenting during the revision and exam period with other parents whose kids have got better results. “As a parent or carer, you may also be drawn into unhelpful comparisons with others,” says Clements, “and you may question the amount of support you were able to provide your child in the run up to their exams. However, today is not a day for self-criticism or judgements – some self-compassion is important at this time.” 6. Reach out for support This might be the first results day many parents have gone through with their child, and while comparisons with other teens may well have been unhelpful, Davies points out that schools will have career advisers and teachers available who can offer support and advice. There are also online forums and blogs where those in similar situations share their experiences. She says: “No-one is expecting you to have all the answers – that’s why there’s support available.” Read More Charity boss speaks out over ‘traumatic’ encounter with royal aide Ukraine war’s heaviest fight rages in east - follow live Women more severely affected by ME, study claims 4 hacks to get teens off the sofa and get active – as study warns of heart damage Taking adult education classes may lower risk of dementia, study suggests

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A man has been receiving backlash for giving his opinions on parenting, despite not having any children. Mario Mirante took to TikTok to share a video about what he observed when he watched a mother and her son at a park. “Please watch the whole video before you comment. Thanks,” he captioned the clip, after the original was taken down. “The kid is just playing quietly, not being annoying. I don’t hear a peep from him, he’s just doing his thing on the playground,” Mirante said. “The mom the entire time is on her phone, staring right down at her screen. Doesn’t look up one time.” He explained that as he walked by, he noticed the child sitting on top of the slide. “I hear: ‘Hey mom, watch. Watch, Mom,’” Mirante recalled. “And at the top of her lungs, shrieking like a Velociraptor, this mother screams: ‘One second!!!’” The TikToker claimed the mother yelled so loudly that he stopped abruptly to hear what the problem was. When her child heard his mother scream, Mirante claimed that he looked “terrified” and confused, thinking that he upset his mother. “He wasn’t doing anything wrong,” Mirante said. “Mom never looks up from the screen as the kid goes down [the slide].” Mirante added that he is most definitely “judgeing” the mother based on what he saw in those few minutes. “When your kid isn’t doing something wrong, or in danger, you probably shouldn’t scream at them. It might have some traumatic effects in the future,” he declared, before asking: “Are you guys that attached to your phones?” @mariomirante Please watch the whole video before you comment. Thanks ♬ original sound - Mario Mirante He explained that his original video was taken down due to the amount of negative comments, with people telling him he shouldn’t judge a mother when he is not a parent himself. According to Mirante, some TikTokers told him that “maybe the mom needs a break and she takes him to the park to get that break” or that the mother could’ve been a single mom. Even content creator Abby Eckel stitched Mirante’s TikTok, explaining in a separate video that he has never experienced being the default parent. “A default parent is typically one who is ‘first in line’ when it comes to caring for children, child-related responsibilities, or home-related tasks,” clinical psychologist Amber Thornton wrote in Psychology Today. “If you have never been the default parent, and you don’t know what it’s like to be constantly needed all day, every day if you’re not the one consistently and constantly regulating your child’s emotional needs while also having to regulate your own, which also likely means that you’re having to relearn how to do that because you weren’t taught that as a child,” Eckel said in her TikTok video. “I think it’s wise if you pipe down.” @itsme_abbye If youve never been a parent, please sit down. ♬ original sound - Marriage & Motherhood Many people agreed with Mirante’s video, while others continued to disagree in the comments section. “I am a single mom, I 100 per cent agree with you. Kids remember who is actually PRESENT with them, not glued to their phone, the TV etc etc,” one commenter wrote. “That feeling of ‘but what did I do wrong?’ will stay with that child for a long time. It can be very damaging,” another comment read. “My kid used to say ‘mom’ every five secs. It was a joke in the family. I’d lose my mind about 2 per cent of the time about it. You just caught a bad moment,” one commenter pointed out. Another person wrote: “I thought the same way as you. And then I became a parent. Until you become a parent, you do not understand the struggle.” The Independent has contacted Mirante for comment. Read More Woman filters apartments by price but only parking spaces are in her budget Bride warms hearts after having 104-year-old grandfather serve as ring bearer at her wedding Mother’s TikTok calling out parenting ‘double-standards’ resonates with women everywhere Schoolboy almost dies from swallowing magnets for TikTok challenge Woman shares honest review of New York City apartment TikTok mom slammed after making 5-year-old son run in 104 degree heat

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